Humour

Bushisms:

• In my sentences I go where no man has gone before.
• “I can only speak to myself.”
• “It’s in our country’s interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm’s way.”
• “See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.”
• “There’s not going to be enough people in the system to take advantage of people like me.”
• “I believe the results of focusing our attention and energy on teaching children to read and having an education system that’s responsive to the child and to the parents, as opposed to mired in a system that refuses to change, will make America what we want it to be,  a more literate country and a hopefuller country.”
• “First I’d like to spank all the teachers …” (more a Freudian slip than a Bushism.)

“The opposite of talking isn’t listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.” – Fran Lebowitz

Bathroom Humour:

• How long a minute is depends upon which side of the bathroom door you’re on.

• Constipation is timeless, but diarrhoea waits for no man.

Mark Twain on Education:

• “In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.“
• “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
• “I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.”
• “Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.”

Naughty:

• “When I want to play with a prick, I’ll play with my own.” – W.C.Fields
• “Heterosexuality is not normal, it’s just common” – Dorothy Parker
• “It’s a small apartment, I’ve barely enough room to lay my hat and a few friends.” – Dorothy Parker

Sanity:

• “When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane.”
  – Hermann Hesse – Swiss (German-born) author (1877 – 1962)
• “Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.”
  – Jane Wagner, (and Lily Tomlin)
• “Reality is a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.”
  – Lily Tomlin – US actress & comedienne (1939 – )

Found these comics a while back in the Montreal Gazette. I love Opus, the satirical weekly comic strip by Berkeley Breathed. Guess I’m one of his, yes, ‘imperfect, seriously flawed fans’. Did you know that Berkeley Breathed won the Pulitzer Prize for editorial cartooning in 1987 with the strip Bloom County? Hope you enjoy 🙂

Click to see the whole comic

Click to see the whole comic