Learn about Edward Bernays, nephew of the very Sigmund Freud, and pioneer of a scientific technique for manipulating public opinion called - “engineering of consent“.  Sounds like something me and my family have already encountered from some doctors. And not exactly with our best intentions at heart either. More for their expediency and convenience, but that’s another blog entry.

He was a doctor too, of spin, promoting using propaganda to control and shape our opinions in politics, business, science, ?? art ??, and education. My oh my, education, what a surprise – NOT !! Called the ‘Father of public relations’.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Bernays

Bernays helped the Aluminum Company of America (Alcoa) and other special interest groups to convince the American public that water fluoridation was safe and beneficial to human health. This was achieved by using the American Dental Association in a highly successful media campaign.

Beyond his contributions to these famous and powerful clients, Bernays revolutionized public relations by combining traditional press agentry with the techniques of psychology and sociology to create what one writer has called “the science of ballyhoo.”

Don’t you just love these Machiavellian types. This quote from Wikipedia and Edward Bernays ‘Propaganda’ -

The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. … We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of. This is a logical result of the way in which our democratic society is organized. Vast numbers of human beings must cooperate in this manner if they are to live together as a smoothly functioning society. … In almost every act of our daily lives, whether in the sphere of politics or business, in our social conduct or our ethical thinking, we are dominated by the relatively small number of persons … who understand the mental processes and social patterns of the masses. It is they who pull the wires which control the public mind.

Turns out Nazi Germany was also interested in his ideas on propaganda. Politics makes strange bedfellows indeed. Bernays was Jewish  -  

In his autobiography, titled Biography of an Idea, Bernays recalls a dinner at his home in 1933 where

Karl von Weigand, foreign correspondent of the Hearst newspapers, an old hand at interpreting Europe and just returned from Germany, was telling us about Goebbels and his propaganda plans to consolidate Nazi power. Goebbels had shown Weigand his propaganda library, the best Weigand had ever seen. Goebbels, said Weigand, was using my book Crystallizing Public Opinion as a basis for his destructive campaign against the Jews of Germany. This shocked me. … Obviously the attack on the Jews of Germany was no emotional outburst of the Nazis, but a deliberate, planned campaign.

http://www.answers.com/topic/diagnostic-and-statistical-manual-of-mental-disorders 

The DSM has seen criticisms through the years. A Columbia University team headed by Robert Spitzer, an editor of the DSM, acknowledges a concern about the DSM in their annual report of 2001, “Problems with the current DSM-IV categorical (present vs. absent) approach to the classification of personality disorders have long been recognized by clinicians and researchers.” Among the problems, they list “arbitrary distinction between normal personality, personality traits and personality disorder” and point out the fact that the most commonly diagnosed personality disorder is 301.9, Personality Disorder not Otherwise Specified. ^[5]

There have also been questions of potential bias of DSM authors who define psychiatric disorders. According to The Washington Post, an analysis published in Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics^[6] pointed out that “every psychiatric expert involved in writing the standard diagnostic criteria for disorders such as depression and schizophrenia has had financial ties to drug companies that sell medications for those illnesses.”^[7] However, an important limitation of this study was that the analysis did not reveal the extent of their relationships with industry or whether those ties preceded or followed their work on the manual.

In the United States, health insurance typically will not pay for psychological or psychiatric services unless a DSM-IV mental disease diagnosis accompanies the insurance claim. The website of the DSM-V Prelude Project^[8] covers shortcomings of the DSM-IV that may be subject for improvements for the DSM-V.

http://dsm5.org/ 

Welcome to the DSM-V Prelude Project. Although the DSM-V revision process will not formally begin until 2006 or 2007 (see timeline), the American Psychiatric Association has created this web site in order to keep the public and professionals informed about the plans for DSM-V as well as the ongoing effort to enrich the research base in advance of starting formal work on DSM-V. In addition, this web site provides an opportunity for you to alert us to problems in the DSM-IV that you may have encountered and to provide your suggestions for DSM-V.

Oh  boy, do I ever have suggestions?

It’s funny how pedophiles do that, downplay what they did and its effects. Oh, it’s nothing, they say. You’re making too much of it. Just get over it. That’s what I used to hear too, not when I confronted family members who had abused me, because they’ve all since passed on, and I never did manage to confront them about it while they were alive.

When I bring it up with other people in my family now, it’s – But he was so nice to me. He always gave me money and gifts. I tell them he was so nice to me too, but I don’t tell them the word for it is grooming, and they should just be grateful that it didn’t go any furthur.

I never confronted the men who’d abused me, but I did confront someone in my family about what my best friend reported he’d done to her. Ah – it’s nothing, he said. She’s making it sound bigger than it actually was.

It’s a bit like someone kills your favourite pet, let’s say a puppy, cold-blooded, then tells you that it’s nothing. Your puppy would have died anyway You should just get over it. Don’t make it into such a big story. The policemen say, yes, he killed your puppy, but was there actually any blood. Did he use a gun or knife. If there wasn’t any blood, we don’t want to hear about it.

But the point is he took away the life of my puppy. Doesn’t that count for anything? Apparently not. So you go into derealization mode – for awhile. Or you get Kabbalah religious, not the true Kabbalah (a beautiful religion), but the new-age version, because the idea of parallel worlds starts to make sense, and you wonder if you just happened to wake up into some parallel darker version of the world you used to live in. A world where exploiting you sexually when you’re innocent, or killing your puppy without remorse or consequence, is ok.

A few people understand and care.

http://www.encyclopedia.com/doc/1G1-82106617.html

Lay Catholics should demand more openness from the institutional Church. Dioceses should open their books to laymen as a matter of accountability and oversight. Doyle, who as counselor to many victims is privy to settlement details, says the people in the pews “would be absolutely shocked to discover how much of their money was being paid out on these settlements.”

Similarly, given how poorly the institutional Church has policed itself, there should be lay boards to review diocesan personnel files to make sure sex abusers aren’t being concealed. “I don’t want to hear about another new policy until someone says to me that someone other than the fox guarding the henhouse has examined the files,” says lawyer Steve Rubino, a leading victims’ attorney.

Restoring the Church’s credibility also depends on the bishops’ being less lawyerly and more Christian. Johnnie Cochrane didn’t come to save the world, Jesus Christ did. This means seeing those who have been raped or molested by priests as suffering souls in need of pastoral care, not moneygrubbing plaintiffs who deserve the brass-knuckles routine.

One parish priest says he will never forget the day he realized his former boss, an East Coast bishop (now retired), was a true man of God. “We had to meet with a family whose child had been abused by one of our priests. When we sat down face to face with them and the lawyers, we told them that the bishop had said his first priority was to do the right thing. We told them our investigation had found that the priest was guilty, but that he had never been in this kind of situation before. We had removed him from any further parish involvement. We told them that we didn’t believe we had been neglectful, but we wanted to help the family in any way we could, because we recognized lives had been damaged, and we were profoundly sorry. And that was the bishop’s position.

“I looked across the table, and the family was crying,” the priest recalled. “The father said, ‘Thank you. We never wanted to persecute anybody. That was all we wanted to hear.’”

http://www.infoforhealth.org/pr/l11/l11chap3_3.shtml

Image from Info for Health and the Hesperian Foundation http://www.hesperian.org/

I’ve been reading how some claim incest was a positive or neutral experience for them. Of course, there are those who claim corporal punishment was a good thing for them too. So they see nothing wrong in meting out physical punishment to their own children when they misbehave, or otherwise. 

Why sure, and doesn’t it look that way in the image above. Doesn’t it look like it could be a positive experience for the girl.

That’s why many priests caught doing the naughty with children didn’t apologize to the children. Heck no. They’d broken their vow of chastity, hadn’t they. That was their sin. Their sin had nothing to do with the child, who probably got something positive from it. Well, weren’t these children sanctified by experiencing something so intimate with a man of the cloth?

Gosh darn – am I offending anyone … yet? How about that father who kept his adopted daughter on a protein-less diet so she wouldn’t lose her ‘girlish’ figure as she got older. Well, he brought her to Disney World, didn’t he? OK, so she never got to see it cause she spent most of her time being photographed and filmed in a hotel room having incest. But this was to show the men who were paying to see what a positive experience incest could be.

OK – I’ll cut out the sarcasm. Just understand that there are plenty of pedophiles out there who would love to jump on that idea to trivialize the effects of sexual abuse. There are sex addicts and predators for whom children are nothing more than objects for their sexual gratification, and sometimes for profit.

If you think incest is nothing more than a transgression of physical boundaries, and shouldn’t matter if there isn’t actually intercourse going on, then you might want to read the following - Christianity and Incest, written by Annie Imbens and Ineke Jonker. Incest is an abuse of power. Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely. (Lord Acton, British historian of the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries.)

 - http://www.pinn.net/~sunshine/book-sum/incest.html

“The dominant group in society uses contradictory commands or messages with a double content. Thus, the oppressed person is always wrong and the powerful person is always right. The interviews and follow-up sessions show that these messages increase these women’s confusion and insecurity. The following list has been compiled from the nineteen interviews.

      1. All women are bad because of Eve. But you are bad, because this doesn’t happen to other women.
      2. You must obey your elders, but sexual abuse is your own fault: you should have said: “No.”
      3. Women are very special, beautiful creatures; you must particularly honor your mother. Nevertheless, the woman’s body is a temptation to men and it is unclean, Therefore, women are forbidden to serve at the altar.
      4. You must resist sex outside of marriage, but you may not resist incest because you must always be protected. Moreover, you are not allowed to stand up for yourself because then you are a castrating bitch.
      5. The eyes of the punishing God always sees you. He will punish you. On the other hand, you must forgive your offender seventy times seventy.
      6. Father and brother are authoritative, but they are also pathetic; they get too little love, so you have to help them.
      7. You have learned to think of others first. But with sexual advances, you have to think of your own interests first, And what’s in your interests? If you refuse, you are not a good girl. A woman must be good, always radiant, the sunshine in everyone’s life.
      8. Offenders have the tendency to minimize what happened: “You’re making a big deal out of it; it’s not that serious.” But you have learned that sex outside of marriage is bad, that a woman who commits adultery should be stoned, and that she must keep her body pure, like Mary. Therefore, you have sinned.
      9. You are not allowed to lie, but you are not allowed to tell this to Mother – ever.
      10. You learn for the Bible: “Honor thy father and thy mother.” and from Father: “Honor thy father and deceive thy mother.”
      11. You learn to love your neighbor and be your mother’s rival.
      12. You are not allowed to talk to strange men, but if you show and resistance toward family members and friends, you have no sense of humor.
      13. You learn that you are not allowed to overstep the personal boundaries of others, and you experience that men are allowed to overstep yours.
      14. You must do your best in school and learn a profession so that you can stand on your own in case you are “left over” or become a widow, but your purpose in life is running the household and motherhood. Which career are you supposed to choose?
      15. A prostitute is bad, but the offender rewards you with all sorts of extras, such as attention and gifts.
      16. A prostitute is bad, but Mother allows herself to be paid too.
      17. I must be a big girl, do not carry on. Do not cry when you are hit. But I must also be sweet, insignificant, weak, and womanly. Look up to men, let them protect you.
      18. You are not supposed to be eager with boys, but you also have to see to it that you are not “left over.” 

Malignant narcissists have an inferiority complex. So, their narcissism is a COMPENSATORY egomania. It is caused by shame and is low esteem in disguise. Quite the opposite of someone who just has a big head…

That underlying shame and self loathing is what makes a malignant narcissist malignant. Whereas narcissistic-but-normal people have big heads, malignant narcissists actually think little of themselves. They have no self confidence. They don’t think they can win fair and square. They don’t think they can achieve anything or live up to moral standards. They have no self respect, despite their elaborate play-acting to the contrary. In fact, the thicker they put it on, the less they think of themselves.

Consider the consequences of these attitudes.

• Form birth, the malignant narcissist has had indelibly stamped into his brain the impression that he is somehow defective, a reject, a kind of Quasimodo. So, throughout his life he finds himself surrounded in a world of people who aren’t. 
• Since narcissists don’t think they can measure-up the legitimate way — through effort and excellence — they must cheat. That is, to be greater than others, they don’t strive to be: they must tear their betters down.  
• Their lack of self respect is even more damning. Because of it, nothing is beneath them. No lie is too mean to tell. No trick is too lowdown, dirty and rotten to play. Things you or I couldn’t stoop to, because sinking to that level would make us feel like we are wallowing naked on our bellies in sewage, narcissists glory in like mud-wallowing hogs. Ironic, isn’t it? that such deep, unbearable shame makes one shameless? But it does.  
• This is why every malignant narcissist has two middle names: one is “Abuser” and the other is “Slanderer.”  

A mere (non-malignant) narcissist isn’t like that. He is just someone with a big head. Fame and fortune have probably gone to his head. So, he may be arrogant and haughty, but he doesn’t go around tearing people down off pedestals by slandering and calumniating others to make himself look better than them. Or by raping them for being purer than him. A mere narcissist may be obnoxious and disappointing, but he is not a predator hostile to the happiness, well being, and success of others. Hurting people doesn’t make him feel good. He has human feelings and can form human relationships. He loves his own children at least and wouldn’t dream of hurting them. A malignant narcissist is a far different animal.

So, don’t confuse NPD (malignant narcissism) with what people usually mean when they say someone is “narcissistic.” Despite the superficial similarities, there’s a world of difference! One is benign; the other is malignant.

• The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family
• In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
• Why Is It Always About You? : Saving Yourself from the Narcissists in Your Life

Think I’ll be buying the books. Became very interested in an excerpt from Why Is It Always About You?, which I read on Amazon’s Look Inside feature, about how narcissism is really shame-based, even if narcissists themselves seem shameless. Also described in the book are the Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism: Shamelessness, Magical Thinking, Arrogance, Envy, Entitlement, Exploitation and Bad Boundaries. (Although personally, I don’t see magical thinking as such a deadly sin.)

An Amazon reviewer commented that the granddaddy of all traits is missing – Lack of Empathy. But the author, Sandy Hotchkiss, does describe this lack of empathy, along with an explanation of where it might be coming from – shame in early childhood without consolation.

That’s one thing I would not do with my daughter, leave her feeling ashamed without coming to her aid. I would always try to console, and oftentimes even apologize when I thought I might have overreacted. I just didn’t want to leave her alone in bed feeling as ashamed and bad as I used to feel, even when the only thing I’d done wrong was dare to ask someone molesting me to please stop. Childhood is so confusing when you’re being molested, and then made to feel bad and ashamed for going along with it  (you like it, don’t you) or punished, shunned, threatened for resisting. When the person doing this to you is your parent or caretaker, you can imagine how it can mess up your mind, your relationships and your life. Have you seen Forrest Gump?  - Watch  Forrest Gump.

I have to admit that I am somewhat of a narcissist. I don’t think I could have survived what I did without picking up some narcissistic traits. I needed to find some way to boost my ravaged ego after my uncle had abused, shamed and degraded me in the shed. 

There was – “I’m really a star” “I’m brilliant” “Yes I’m hurting now, but one day it will make me really smart, rich and famous” “I’m so much smarter than they are” ”I’m like a rat, picked on and hated, but clever for it.” ”I can’t stand people for judging me when they don’t have to go through what I’m going through. It’s not fair. One of these days, I’ll get powerful and judge them.”

In fact, we all have narcissistic traits, but some have narcissism to a healthy degree, and some others don’t. I’m probably on the border, veering more to the unhealthy side. But I’ve met people who are far worse than I am, like the pedophiles who abused and molested me, but they’ve since passed on. There are some people in my family right now who are more narcissistic than I am. In their presence, you feel like nothing more than a minor character in some film they’re starring in. But I only see them during the holidays, if at all.

Met another true blue narcissist. And we became so close, so fast. Too close. He managed to find out such intimate details about me, but only later did I realize it was only so he could find out which weaknesses to manipulate to exploit me to his advantage. And he was such a work bully. I was lucky to extricate myself from his clutches. And yet, I still miss him in some ways. He was so charming. Have you seen The Devil Wears Prada? That was his work philosophy too.

But they’re the obvious narcissists. And my God, they’re smart. It’s like when you’re missing the empathy connection, your mind is free to become really sharp.  

But then there are some who don’t seem like narcissists when you first get to know them. They can be so sweet and kind and very politically correct. For me, that’s the first tip-off. Political correctness to try to camouflage their lack of empathy. And they know how to play the game of You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. So you’re thinking that they can’t possibly be narcissists.

But then they get ticked off over such minor things, the slightest slights. And you want to explain to them that they have it all wrong. That this is where you were coming from, they’re taking it the wrong way, but they don’t care. They simply cannot or refuse to see anything from your side. All that matters to them is their side, the way they see things, and what they’re entitled to. Even if what they think they’re entitled to infringes on your rights. Their needs and rights matter more than yours. Get that straight!

But you don’t give up, you keep trying, hoping to enlighten them, but to no avail. And they may let it slide, but then find some way to get even. Something passive-aggressive.  They might play games – like keeping you in the dark, off-kilter and wondering. 

And you might continue to email them or try to contact them, but they stop answering your messages or only answer infrequently. They usually won’t cut you off altogether, because when you keep trying and wondering, it becomes their narcissistic supply. They like to think that you’re doing it because you love them or want and need them, and refusing or ignoring you becomes a way to hurt you. But you only keep contacting because you want closure, or at least some explanation. Don’t know if the authors describe narcissists like that in their books.  

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/070207/national/cda_child_porn

By Sue Bailey

OTTAWA (CP) – News of a Canadian link to a major international child-pornography ring is the latest in a growing number of horrific homegrown cases, says a top investigator.

“We’re up to our knees in evil,” said RCMP Supt. Earla-Kim McColl, officer in charge of the National Child Exploitation Co-ordination Centre.

“I think it’s important for Canadians to understand that we get a file like this about every two weeks now.”

I can’t for the life of me understand child sexual abuse. I can understand some other evils, not that I’d ever condone the behavior, but sexual abuse makes absolutely no sense to me. Think if it made some sense, it would have made it easier for me to understand the pedophiles who abused me as a child, and why they abused me. Although it’s very possible that those predators were themselves exploited and abused as children.

When you’re a child and you don’t understand, and especially if you’ve been raped or mistreated, you’re likely to take the abuse as  a comment on who you are and to blame yourself for it. And the abusers don’t generally help either. If they don’t tell you outright that you’re the dirty one, they treat you like you’re the dirty one. Like you’re the reason for their shameful act.

When you’re abused, you’re marked.  It’s not just a transgression of boundaries, it’s not just a violation of trust and abuse of authority, it’s not just underage sex when physically the body is too immature. It’s that these children, if they don’t get help, will believe that somehow they deserved to be abused and to have their bodies violated. That they just weren’t good enough as children to get the love, attention and nurturing they were seeking. Sexual abuse is what happens when adults tell you that they just can’t love you. I know, I’m still looking for that love, in all the wrong places.

That it’s becoming so prevalent is, I believe, a sign that we live in a very sick society. A society where women are prodded and shamed into getting mammographies, not for improved health, but because it’s a profit-driven technology. Where many children are forced to be on Ritalin, not for any health reasons, but for behavior control in classrooms. A society where capitalism and the pursuit of profit seems to be all that really matters, and where children are seen by some as nothing more than objects for sexual gratification. Considering the kind of selfish and narcissistic world we live in, is it any wonder?  

Found this by Dr. Sanity (Weblog awards finalist 2006) – Repression and the Mirror of Insight – about evil and the need to look in the mirror:

http://drsanity.blogspot.com/2006/04/repression-and-mirror-of-insight.html

There is an inner courage required to look at one’s self in the mirror of insight and truly know the person looking back. All of us are capable of the most horrible behavior; just as we are capable of finding ways to rationalize it and cover it up or blame others for it. Psychological health requires that we look into that mirror frequently and understand our own motivations and behaviors and not flinch in recognizing the truth about ourselves.

That is the only way we can begin the process of change that leads to solving problems and personal growth. Recognizing the problem by looking at ourselves in the mirror is the first hurdle that must be overcome. Admittedly, it is not the only hurdle; but without it individuals and societies go off careening off in all the wrong directions–directions that will never lead to the recognition or acceptance of reality, and so can never lead to effective solutions. In psychiatry we refer to this abiiity to look in the mirror and see what and who is reflected back at us truly as “insight”. Ultimately, the development of self-awareness and psychological insight are the keys to solving most human dilemmas that lead to our own unhappiness and misery–both in individuals and societies.

It is likely that true evil never looks into that mirror; never questions their own motivations and always sinks to using the most immature and infantile coping mechanisms. That inability to acknowledge any degree of responsibility for their behavior; or to see clearly into their own souls–particularly on a societal level is responsible for much of the human misery, genocide, and brutal behavior we witness all around the world.

And that is the ultimate purpose of, and necessity for, Justice — to impose insight on the blind; force awareness of the consequences of behavior; and to reflect reality for those who refuse to look in the mirror.

Only, it wasn’t my parents who were so narcissistic. It was other people who figured prominently in my life. And although we perhaps all have some narcissistic traits, I met someone recently who was the real deal. Was so relieved to get out of his grasp, and yet, in some ways, I do miss him. He was so charming, and I thought maybe we had some sort of special connection.

But what I found the most astonishing about him, and it’s also true for my not so narcissistic ‘friend’ as well, is how they could twist things around to not take any responsibility  when they’ve done something wrong, and to blame you instead - you’re the bad guy – for trying to make them feel bad about it. How dare you! But it’s alright for them to jump down someone’s throat for not giving them what they want when they demand it, even if it’s something that infringes on that person’s personal rights. Kind of like a child sex molester getting angry with and punishing a child for not giving him sex on demand. That’s narcissism.

They’re pretty good at maintaining a conventional persona in superficial associations with people who mean absolutely nothing to them, and they’ll flatter the hell out of you if you have something they can use or if, for some reason, they perceive you as an authority figure. That is, as long as they think you don’t count or they’re afraid of you, they’ll treat you well enough that you may mistake it for love. But, as soon as you try to get close to them, they’ll say that you are too demanding — and, if you ever say “I love you,” they’ll presume that you belong to them as a possession or an appendage, and treat you very very badly right away.

The abrupt change from decent treatment to outright abuse is very shocking and bewildering, and it’s so contrary to normal experience that I was plenty old before I realized that it was actually my expression of affection that triggered the narcissists’ nasty reactions. Once they know you are emotionally attached to them, they expect to be able to use you like an appliance and shove you around like a piece of furniture. If you object, then they’ll say that obviously you don’t really love them or else you’d let them do whatever they want with you. If you should be so uppity as to express a mind and heart of your own, then they will cut you off — just like that, sometimes trashing you and all your friends on the way out the door. The narcissist will treat you just like a broken toy or tool or an unruly body part: “If thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off” [Matt. 18:8]. This means you. 

How To Recognize a Narcissist: http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/howto.html 

If you’re reading this because of problems with someone you know now, the chances are excellent that one or both of your parents was a narcissist. Narcissists are so much trouble that only people with special prior training (i.e., who were raised by narcissists) get seriously involved with them. Sometimes narcissists’ children become narcissists, too, but this is by no means inevitable, provided stable love was given by someone, such as the non-narcissist parent or grandparents. Beyond that, a happy marriage will heal many old wounds for the narcissist’s child.

But, even though children of narcissists don’t automatically become narcissists themselves and can survive with enough intact psychically to lead happy and productive lives away from their narcissistic parents, because we all love our parents whether they can love us back or not, children of narcissists are kind of bent — “You can’t get blood out of a stone,” but children of narcissists keep trying, as if by bonding with new narcissists we could somehow cure our narcissistic parents by finding the key to their heart. Thus, we’ve been trained to keep loving people who can’t love us back, and we will often tolerate or actively work to maintain connections with narcissistic individuals whom others, lacking our special training, find alienating and repellent from first contact, setting ourselves up to be hurt yet again in the same old way.